A day in the life of a conservative blogger.
I want to thank each of my faithful visitors and blogger buddies for giving me the courage to go on. I was starting to think that the Libs were taking over the website. And since it is impossible to pull a Liberals head out of his /her own ass (because they love the smell), I thought that I was being turned to the Dark Side.
My good conservative buddies have arrived and pulled me from my pit of despair. I was starting to think that America was an evil imperialist, bunch of infidels. I was feeling so sorry for myself, that I was starting to blame all of my problems on Bush.
I walked out into the parking lot in front of my apartment the other day and stepped in a big spot of oil, as I tried to clean Satan’s blood from my shoes, I became outraged. Why in the hell did Bush leave this big puddle of, bubbling crude, Texas T, Black Gold were little kids could play in it, get sick, and die with no health care or affordable drug benefits? Suddenly, the alarm clock went off, it was all just a terrible nightmare. I looked out of my window and there were no dead kids, there were no homeless people, there was no mile long line of unemployed Americans waiting for government cheese and a sheet of toilet paper. I could see no explosions, bird where chirping, life was great. I am alive, thank GOD, I AM ALIVE!!!
Ring Ring, I darted to the secret red phone, picked it up and answer with the secret code phrase, "Don’t Mess With Texas, POW POW!” Karl Rove spoke almost in a whisper so that only he and I could hear his secret instructions. I now had my evil daily plan, Karl told me to find a homeless person and steal their can of BEANS, disenfranchise as many black voters as I could, spread lies on my Bush&Co paid for blog, and club a baby seal to DEATH! I gladly accepted my mission, slid down the hidden stripper pole into my secret conservative cave. I drank my daily glass of oil, put on my cowboy hat, strapped on my six shooters, and jumped into my gas guzzling SUV. I was ready to run over any dirty liberal hippy that got in my way.
A Day In The Life Of A Conservative Blooger.
I drove to the nearest highway overpass, obeying no laws, I screamed, “WAR FOR OIL” and could not believe what I saw.
And what to my conservative eyes did I see, but a disenfranchised black homeless voter with a can of beans.
I leaped from my ride so smoothly so quick, with a smile on my face, like a warmongering dick.
I shouted, “Hey Hippie, give me that can!” I swaggered right over like I was the man.
I ripped up his sign, WILL WORK FOR FOOD; I took his beans and screamed something rude.
He started to cry as I walked to my truck, He shouted, "Why!" I said, “Cause I don’t give a FUCK!”
As I ate his beans I thought, now what should I do, I have an idea, I will go to the zoo.
I sped to the zoo my temper was hot; I ran over a small tree and pulled into a handicap spot.
I jumped the fence and asked for direction, I was so excited I had an erection.
I group of kids was gathered around; I snuck into the baby seal pen without making a sound.
As I clubbed the baby seal the children let out a gasp, I pulled down my pants and yelled, “Kiss my conservative ASS!”
One thing left to do besides kicking my dog, I rushed home and logged onto my blog.
I typed in my password, “EVERYONE DIES” Time to spread conservative lies.
Do not vote for Kerry, he loves everyone, Vote for W in 04, killing Arabs for oil is a lot more fun.