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Monday, August 23, 2004

Liberal Rules 101

More and more Liberals are visiting this website. Therefore, I thought I would help teach them how to be better Liberals. I have decided to teach a class in Liberalism for my Liberal brothers, sisters, brothers that would rather be called sisters, and sisters that would rather be called brothers. Class is in session. Is everyone seated? Let’s begin.

Liberal Rules 101:
  1. Everything is Bush's Fault!
  2. When a Liberal is caught in a lie, remember Rule #1.
  3. Call anyone that does not believe what we say: evil, Hitler, Bush, warmonger, rich, white, or part of the Vast Right Winged Conspiracy!
  4. Being rich makes you evil unless you are a Liberal, a trail lawyer, and/or sell Ketchup!
  5. Only Liberals are tolerant, open-minded, nuanced. Everyone else is a puppet of their Zion master George W. Bush.
  6. Do not answer a question with a yes or no answer; only answer yes or no questions with another question.
  7. Bush forced all 254 Swift Boat Veterans for Truth to Lie about John Kerry. No matter what you did during Vietnam, as long as you are a Liberal you are a Hero.
  8. Bush lied! We have no proof of any lies he told, but you know he lied because he is Bush!
  9. Bush is stupid! Even thou he made better grades at Harvard than Al Gore he is still stupid because he is from Texas.
  10. It is not the outcome that matters, only the effort.
  11. When the going gets tough, (see Rule #1.)
  12. Never teach a person to fish, because when they can feed themselves they will no longer need Liberals to steal fish from rich people for them. If people figure out that they can provide for themselves they will no longer vote for us.
  13. The War On TERROR is just an excuse for Evil Rich White people to kill innocent Muslims so they can steal their oil.
  14. Liberals do not have to do anything to get the majority of the black vote; we only have to call everyone that is not a Liberal a Racist.
  15. As long as we control what is taught in public schools and colleges we will continue to win elections. Appose school vouchers, because if people can choose who will teach their children we will lose votes.
  16. Al Gore won the popular vote in the 2000 presidential election. That means he should be president. The Electoral College was a plot by our slave owning founding fathers to put Bush into the White House.
  17. Everything America has done is bad. However, if an evil conservative asks you why you believe this tell them, "I Love America!"
  18. John Kerry will be a better President than Bush because he is not Bush!
  19. Abortion is Pro-Choice, but the death penalty is murder!
  20. Bush declared war on Iraq unilaterally, the other members of the Coalition are not important.
  21. We should decrease America's dependency on foreign oil, but we should appose all drilling in America.
  22. Rush Limbaugh is a rich fat liar, but Michael Moore is not fat rich or a liar. Michael Moore is God.
  23. We do not believe in God, but if there is a God, it is Michael Moore.
  24. Abstinence is an evil conservative plot to keep Liberals from teaching kids to sleep with anyone they want.
  25. Why work hard for what you get when you can take it from rich people through taxes or win the lottery.
  26. Islam is a peaceful religion, the only reason that some Muslims want to kill all of us is because Bush pissed them off.
  27. Terror warnings are a way for Republicans to scare Americans into voting for Bush and to divert attention away from Iraq, John Kerry, or anything else that Liberals are trying to get attention for.
  28. If America is attacked again (see Rule#1) and claim that the government knew and they should have warned the American people.
  29. Tax cuts are bad for America, except for when John F. Kennedy cut taxes.
  30. Republicans hate gay people, Keep saying this to everyone you meet so we can get the gay vote.
  31. Anyone that is against gay marriage is a homophobe, even though gay people can get married just like every other American.
  32. Everyone should be treated equal unless they are a straight white male and/or conservative.
  33. If you are a member of a minority (by minority we mean anyone that is not a white male and or conservative) you should be given special treatment when applying for a job, unless you trying to get a job in Hollywood.
  34. Never say what you mean or mean what you say, it leaves no wiggle room if later you find out what you said is wrong.
  35. The media is not biased, except for talk radio and Fox News.

That is all for today class. Please join us next week when we will continue the your liberal studies.

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