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Monday, June 26, 2006

Science Fair Project: Will Birds Poop on the NYT?

Birds like to poop. Matter of fact they love to poop. However they don’t like to step in their own poop. This means I have to clean their cage. What a crappy job.

Since I have to change their poop paper often I figured why not do a little experiment. Hell I have a lot of time on my hands. I have not done a Science Fair Project since fifth grade. I won first place in the Oklahoma State Science Fair with my project, How Do Astronauts Use the Bathroom in Space. Do I still have what it takes to take a crappy idea and turn it into a masterpiece?
  1. I need a title for my project. How about Will Birds Poop on the New York Times?

  2. What is the purpose for this experiment? I know, to prove that birds are smarter than New York Times reports.

  3. I need a hypothesis. Alright, no problem, “I believe my birds will poop on the New York Times and not The Oklahoman.”

  4. Materials. What will I need for this project? That’s easy.

  5. Procedures. Put the New York Times on the left side and The Oklahoman on the right side of the bird cage. During the next week I will observe the poopage on the paper and record which newspaper the birds prefer to dookie on.

  6. Unveil my finding to the world.

*** Here is my project so far: Click to enlarge ***

Bird grting ready to poop.

Just like a real scientist I will have to procure funding through federal grants and private donations. I’m not going to spend my own money for such an important scientific discovery, that’s what philanthropy and taxes are for. The government has spent millions of dollars studying the mating patterns of salmon, they are sure to pony up the green for a bird defecation study. Maybe you can help too. I’m sure most of you would rather know whether the New York Times or The Oklahoman is the crappier paper, than spend your hard earned tax money on another global warming study. If you would like to help click on the make a donation button on the top of the right sidebar and donate money so I can fund my very important research.

I will publish my results next week, so make sure to check back to read my findings. If you have any suggestions leave a comment.

Linked to: Conservative Cat | Basil's Blog | The Uncooperative Blogger | Third World Country

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