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Thursday, October 05, 2006

Thank You

***Update at the bottom***

I spent 6 hours tonight responding to the emails I have received. Many people wanted me to post again. I planned to take a few days off from the blog but I decide to share one of the responses I gave to a really great person that I felt understood me.

When this started it was like a treasure hunt, I had no idea the story was this big. It started to get really clear on the second day when we were researching it. The day before I posted we found that he was in Oklahoma where I live and that just blew me away. It is people like you that gave me the courage to press the publish button and hope that I had described what I knew well enough for people to understand. I am not a great writer, I am much better at radio where I don't have to spell.

People have been sending me more info all day and my advice is, research it and publish it if your heart tells you that it is the right thing to do. I really hope I have showed bloggers that anyone can find something like this if you will just look. People have said I did it for the traffic and the fame, and they just don't know me. I put out the press release and I begged a lot of bigger bloggers to take this story off of my hands because I did not feel worthy of this. I am a tough guy but it hurts me when people like Michelle Malkin (who I respect so much) and a few of the other right bloggers twist this story into a publicity stunt on my part. I wrote Michelle on Oct 2nd and sent her a tip about this story and I sent her the press release, she ignored both. I sent the press release to so many people in the hopes that someone would take this story of my hands. I emailed Hastert, Rep Tom Cole, most of the news media and no one replied, except a few of my close blogging friends. I did not ask for this story, but as we (me and Ms. Underestimated) found more and more stuff I knew that this had to come out. I tried to walk away from this story a few times and Ms. Underestimated, my brother, my best friend, and a few other close friends encouraged me to continue. I can understand why some people cannot understand why I felt I had to tell this story. But this was about the truth and the truth can really hurt sometimes. I knew that a lot of people would hate me for this; my hope was that they would at least read the story and then pass judgment on me. I have not always made good choices in my life, but this is one of the best choices I have ever made.

The people that hate me will be pleased about the story The Daily Oklahoman will publish about me tomorrow. I was interviewed for 1 1/2 hours and I told the reporter every bad thing (well all the big ones) I had done in my life and I have been a really big idiot in my life. I always thought I could do great things but never really tried because I was ashamed of some of the things I have done. I poured my heart out to the reporter and after the interview it was like the weight of the world had been lifted from my shoulders. I have no idea what the reporter will write about me tomorrow, but I have a feeling it will be the truth; the good and the bad. If one person is inspired by my story then I will have achieved what I have needed to do for so long. I am no longer afraid of my past. I am sorry I am going on this long, it is 12:44am and typing this gives me the hope that at least one person can look into my heart and see the real me.

Update: I want to thank Byan Dean from The Oklahoman for telling my story, "Internet sleuthing led blogger to former page"

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