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North. Korea threatened US with Nuclear War, what should we do?

ignore them
beg them not to nuke us
let some other country deal with them
go see a movie
threaten them with nuclear war
drop a nuke on them
drop a lot of nukes on them

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Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Moonbats in Space, Episode 2

Moonbats in Space
Episode 2: Crack for the Drones
Part 1

On the left side of the galaxy far far away from reality...

After planet Moonbat was destroyed by a terrorist attack, Earth launches a probe to search for survivors. Scanners indicate a faint signal emanating from a cell phone near what used to be planet Moonbat. Earth has dispatched a starship to determine the source of the signal and rescue any survivors...

Captain’s Blog, Star date 0531.2306, I’m relaxing in my cabin after taking command of the USS Embellisher. This is my first mission as a Federation Captain. Hopefully my crew knows what to do, because I have no idea what I’m doing. I hope I don’t get anyone killed. That would be bad.

*quack* *quack*

Captain: “Computer!”
A voice that sounds something like Stephen Hawking screaming into a trashcan answers,
Computer: “YES CAPTAIN!”

(Read more!)

Captain: “What the heck is that stupid duck sound? I have been hearing it for the past two hours.”
Captain: “Oh ok, I thought that there was a duck somewhere in my room, no wonder I couldn’t find it. Computer, how do I answer the intercom?”
Computer: “SAY HELLO.”
Captain: “Thank you computer, go back to what ever it is you do.”

*quack* *quack*

Captain: “Hello.”
Sounding annoyed Commander Skerdog’s voice fills the room, “Well it’s about time, I’ve been trying to contact you for about two hours. Do you have time to be the Captain of this vessel or should I just make all of the decisions, sir?”
Captain: “Sorry, I thought you were a retarded duck.”
Commander Skerdog: “A retarded duck sir?”
Captain: “Never mind, what can I do for you Commander?”
Commander Skerdog: “Sir, we have arrived at what used to be the location of planet Moonbat, sensors indicate the signal is coming from some sort of a primitive shuttle craft.”
Captain: “Alright I’m on my way to the bridge. Captain Wild Bill OUT!”
Commander Skerdog: “Out sir?”
Captain: “Never mind, I heard that on a TV show, I thought it might make me sound cool. I’ll be right there.”

Wild Bill makes his way to the bridge. As the bridge doors open he is greeted by the Chief Medical Officer Dr. House.

Dr. House: “What seems to be the problem Captain? You have this confused look on your face. Do you have gas or is that how you always look?”
Captain: “Well I do have gas but, this is the face I always make.”
Dr. House kicks Wild Bill in the sack and says, “There, I cured the stupid look on your face and by the smell I’d say you no longer have gas. Now why don’t you stop clutching your balls and pretend to be the Captain of a Federation Star ship or I could tap your left nut with my cane until you resign your commission.”
Captain: “That won’t be necessary Dr. House, if you could just show me to my chair, and get some air freshener I had Mexican food for lunch.”

Wild Bill limps to his seat and says, “Do we have a visual on the shuttle craft?”
Commander Skerdog: “Yes we do Captain, and may I say thank you for joining us? Also will you permit me to speak freely Captain?”
Captain: “Permission granted Commander Skerdog.”
Commander Skerdog: “Whatever it is that you ate for lunch, I think it would be a good idea that you never eat it again. It smells like Arianna Huffington’s breath.”
Captain: “Agreed! Can we get back to exploring the galaxy now?”
Commander Skerdog: “Awaiting your orders sir.”
Captain Wild Bill makes a funny hand gesture and says, “On plasma screen!”

Moonbat VW Bug shuttle craft

Captain: “That has to be the most retarded looking shuttle craft I have ever scene! I mean I wouldn’t be caught dead flying around the galaxy in that thing. Can someone please fire a blaster at that thing so I don’t have to look at it anymore?”

A big headed pointy eared robot guy with glasses pushes a few buttons on the control panel in front of him, then says, “Captain, that is not a shuttle craft, I believe it is a Volkswagen Beetle and I am reading one life sign inside.”
Captain: “Are you serious and who in the hell are you?”
Robot Geek Dude: “I am your Chief Techno-Geek, Lieutenant Glenn Reynolds.”
Captain: “Well Lieutenant Reynolds thanks for your input, but I am the Captain around here. Do you see the four stars here on my collar?”
Lieutenant Reynolds: “Yes sir I can see your four stars, but..."
Captain: “And how many stars do you have there on your pocket protector?”
Lieutenant Reynolds: “Two stars sir.”
Captain: “Good, so can we agree that I get to decide what gets blown up and you get to sit their in you average chair and tap on that keyboard and pretend to actually be doing something?”
Lieutenant Reynolds: “Yes sir, but...”
Captain: “But, but, but, do you have a butt fetish or something?”
Lieutenant Reynolds: “No sir, I am trying to remind you that we have been sent on a rescue mission to search for survivors, and it’s kind of hard to rescue someone if we shoot them with a blaster.”
Captain: “Alright Mr. Know-it-all, if you were Captain what would you do?”
Lieutenant Reynolds: “I would try to make contact with the life form inside of the VW and then lock on a tractor beam and bring the VW into the shuttle bay.”
Captain: “Why didn’t someone tell me we have a tractor beam? Those things are so cool! Alright Lieutenant Geek boy, send a message to the dorky Beetle looking thingy and then fire up that tractor beam and drag that heap of junk into shuttle bay 1. Alright people let’s get’r done. Dr. House, guy without a name tag, and hot Asian girl with the nice rack, please accompany me to shuttle bay 1. Commander Skerdog you have the bridge. Try not to blow anything up while I’m gone, that’s my job.”

(To be continued!)

Previous Moonbats in Space:

The Family That Blogs Together, Stays Together

My wife and my oldest son are now Bloggers.

I am so happy. My wife started a blog yesterday, Lisa with an R. I made the suggestion that she start a blog several times since I started blogging, but she always said, "I don't know what to write about." So I dropped the subject.

My oldest son Brandon started a blog on May 27th, 2006 called Daily Kids. I was trying to find something productive for Brandon to do over his summer vacation, so I suggested he start his blog. Brandon has been updating Daily Kids each day and a few of his friends have even started their own blogs. A few people stopped by his blog and left comments which really inspired him to keep posting on his blog. Brandon's excitement for blogging seems to be contagious--I believe that is why my wife decided to finally start her blog. Now we are a family of Bloggers--if I wasn't an evil conservative alpha male I might have a tear in my eye.

I would also like to introduce you to Passionate America's new contributor Skerdog. Skerdog has been a blogging friend of mine since my first days as a Blogger. Thanks for joining Skerdog, now you are part of the family too. Check out Skerdog's first post at Passionate America, What do you love about YOUR Union? Please join me in welcoming Skerdog to Passionate America.


Wictory Wednesday Returns

Mike McGavick for United States Senate for the State of Washington

Mike McGavick has been running an insurgent campaign against incumbent Democratic Senator Maria Cantwell. Bucking the trend against the GOP nationally, Mike has closed the gap between his Democratic competitor to within 5 percentage points in the last Rasmussen Reports poll. Last November, he was trailing by 15 percentage points.

Mike is a solid conservative who understands the necessity of fighting the war on terror and on regulating the flow of immigration at the border. There is a difference between welcoming immigrants in an orderly way and having a wide-open border that is open to exploitation by those who wish to harm the American way of life.

On health care, Mike realizes that the problem with health care is not that it is run by insurance companies, but that there are too many middlemen that leave the consumer out of the loop. Insurance companies are paid by companies who provide benefits to their employees. Those companies want to keep costs low so they pick one vendor and offer two plans to their employees: lower premium lower benefit plans with vendor A, or higher benefit higher benefit plans with vendor A. The needs of the consumer are only indirectly represented to the insurance company... if at all. The hospitals and doctors are paid by the insurance companies. Hospitals collect less than 30% of bills that are sent to consumers without insurance (or after their insurance has paid only part). Hospitals will therefore cater to the insurance companies that pay the bills. The solution is to put the consumer in the driver seat when dealing with their healthcare, not remove them even farther by having the government run the show.

Lastly, in an uncharacteristic position lately for a Republican, he's for fiscal conservativism. He knows that tax dollars isn't monopoly money, but money to which he is a steward, not an owner. We can count on him to support common-sense reforms to the tax-and-spend habits that have plagued Congress lately.

Please consider taking a look at Mick McGavick's website and supporting his campaign.

This was a production of the Wictory Wednesday blogburst, a weekly posting by bloggers supporting solid Republican candidates for office (national office or governorship. If you are interesting in joining the Wictory Wednesday blogburst, please take a look at this post or e-mail John Bambenek at jcb (dot) blog (at) gmail (dot) com.

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

What do you love about YOUR Union?

The Center for Union Facts <> wants to know what you like about YOUR union.

Is it the forced dues?
Is it the way your dues go to politicians you don't agree with?
Or maybe it's the union's practice of discriminating against minorities?

The Center has produced a tongue-in-cheek advertisement that has been running on Fox News pretty much slamming the entire labor movement.

The ad is aimed at raising awareness of the corrupt practices of organized labor. Not surprisingly, Big Labor doesn't find it funny.

Lane Windham, a spokeswoman for the AFL-CIO, called the ad "unfounded and outrageous."

The ad highlights important facts that union bosses don't want average Americans to know. Things like:

  • Unions have faced more than 13,000 sex, race, and other discrimination charges with the EEOC since 2000

  • Employees, employers and rival unions have filed more than 40,000 unfair labor practice charges against unions since 2000

  • Union chiefs use their members’ money on a political agenda that supports Democrats almost all of the time, even though 40 percent of those in union households voted for President Bush in 2004.

Be sure to drop by <> to get the full story.

Does Your Blog Load Slow?

***Updates at the bottom***

Basil from basil’s blog has a post that hits a little close to home for me. Speeding Up Your Blog (Revisited)

I guess I am busted. Here is a list of basil’s suggestions on how to get your blog to load faster. Check out how many suggestions I have violated:
  1. Graphics (love graphics and I hate how slow my blog loads, some things got to give.)

  2. Blogrolls (I have a lot of blogrolls on Passionate America. Not sure what I should do about the problem.)

  3. Other Third Party Code (The Truth Laid Bear Ecosystem, check; Sitemeter, check; Google Ads, check; Ads, check)

  4. Tables (My new blog template uses table to make the header, sidebars, and main column of my blog. Looks like I need a new template)

  5. Order In The Blog (I’m not really sure about this one, but it is possible that my blog loads in the wrong order.)

Looks like I have a lot of work to do to fix the slow loading of Passionate America. I’d like to find a new template that works well on Blogger, has a sidebar on the left and the right, and does not use tables to make the sidebars. Have any suggestions?

Update: I'm looking for ways to fix the slow loading here at Passionate America. I'll be working on the blog template of this blog for most of the day. If you have any suggestions on how I can improve the look and page loading time of this blog please leave a comment and I will consider your suggestion.

Update #2: Well I redesigned Passionate America so it will load faster. I think it loads a lot faster. It still loads TTLB Ecosystem stats and Blogrolling blogrolls a little slow, but over all it is much faster. Thanks basil.

I Can Drive 85

Speed Limit Sign 80
Texas raises speed limit on some roads to 80.

You don’t usually get a speeding ticket unless you are going 5-mph over the speed limit. So when Texas raised the speed limit last week to 80-mph on parts of Interstate Highways 10 and 20 around Fort Stockton, does this mean you can drive 85? Texas increases speed to 80 mph on some roads.
Last week, state highway officials in Fort Stockton unveiled the first 80-mph speed limit sign -- reportedly the fastest posted speed limit in the nation…"People don't survive crashes at that speed," said Tom Smith, director of the Texas office for Public Citizen, a consumer advocacy organization.
"This will result in more deaths," said Russ Rader, spokesman for the Insurance Institute for Highway Safety. "You get somewhere faster, but at what cost?"

I’m not sure if this is a great idea. You can might get to your destination faster, but while your flying at 80-mph, 18 wheelers still have to drive 70-mph. And if you are driving a car as crappy as mine, then there is no way you are going to reach the 80-mph threshold before most of the pieces of your car fall off.

I could get my car fixed so that it would be safe at that speed, but that would require money for duct tape. The stay-at-home-dad gig that I have right now doesn’t pay very well. Anyone need a stay-at-home-dad that cooks, does windows, enjoys being there for the kids, blogs, and gives great backrubs (backrubs for women only)?

American Idol Taylor Hicks Funny Videos

American Idol Taylor Hicks Funny Picture
***Updates at the bottom***

Your American Idol Taylor Hicks, Funny Videos.

I found this Taylor Hicks Cartoon and it's pretty funny. Behind the Music that Sucks, Taylor Hicks.

Here is a clip of Taylor Hicks on Saturday Night Live. Taylor Hicks on SNL.

And if you missed it here is video of Taylor Hicks winning American Idol. Taylor Hicks Wins American Idol.

Update: More Idol blogging over at phin's blog:
Elections 2008 - Idolized (The Democratic Primaries)

With the most recent "American Idol" receiving some 63 Million votes a couple of things dawned on me. First, we've reached a sad state of affairs in America when a game show draws more interest in voting than presidential elections. Secondly, perhaps we could spark some political interest if political elections were setup in a similar format. Imagine the possibilities:

Announcer: And now we have Democratic Presidential hopeful John "My wife's really a man" Kerry. (read more)


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Monday, May 29, 2006

Passionate Memorial Day 2006

Memorial Day 2006 at Cox & Forkum
If it wasn't for our troops, we wouldn't have the freedom to be this stupid!

There are a lot of stupid people in the world. Stupid people should pay their respects today, pray to whoever it is that they pray, and remember our soldiers for protecting their right to be so stupid on this Memorial Day. Here are a few of the brain cell deficient jack holes that should be thankful today that there are great men that have protected their right to make an ass out of themselves:

  • Westboro Baptist Church of Topeka, Kansas: This has to be one of the most brain-dead group of a-holes alive today. Their websites God Hates Fags and God Hates America should give you a clue as to how completely retarded these screech weasels are. These dumb bastards even protested today at Arlington National Cemetery:
    A small group of members of the Westboro Baptist Church of Topeka, Kan., who have been demonstrating around the country at military funerals, sang "God hates America" to the tune of "God Bless America" and held signs that read "God is America's terror", "Thank God for dead soldiers", "You're going to hell", and "Bush killed them." (read more)
  • Cindy Sheehan: This bitch is so stupid a reporter once said to her, "Cindy why are you anti-war?" Cindy replied, "I'm not, I'm Auntie Sheehan!" Ok I made that up, but this stupid Moonbat is rationally challenged enough to say something that stupid. I feel like my IQ is dropping just explaining the endless black hole of stupidity that is Cindy Sheehan. The only thing stupider than Cindy is any dip$hit that would follow her.

  • GLAMericans: The GLAMericans want peace not war. What a fabulous idea! Only problem with that dumba$$ idea, if we did not get rid of Hitler by going to war he would have killed all of the GLAMericans. It's weird, Hitler did not like homosexuals. You know who else doesn't like homosexuals? Try most of the non-free world. Even the commies you call your friends don't seem to care much for public displays of fabulous! Pick up something called a history book fruitcake, and do a little studying on what countries have the most tolerance for homosexuals, then thank the soldiers of those countries for fighting for your right to be glamorous and stupid.

Do you know of any stupid people that I should add to the list? Leave a comment or trackback and I'll add your nominee for stupid people that should thank a solider.


  • Be the first to trackback this post!

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Sunday, May 28, 2006

One Dead After Gang Related Shooting at Crossroads Mall.

A group of people congregate outside the southwest entrance to Crossroads Mall. Photo by Michael Downes (from
***Scroll down for Updates***

Oklahoma City Mall Scene Of Gang Related Shooting.

When I was a boy Crossroads Mall was one of my favorite places to go. Now in my opinion, it is a gang invested ghetto and a hangout for teenagers.

The last time I took my family to Crossroads Mall we did not stay long. It did not take me very long to decide that it was a bad place to bring your family. Crossroads Mall as gone downhill fast and last night the slide continued with a gang related shooting, ending in one gang member shot and one gang member dead.

Sheriff John Whetsel of the Oklahoma Police Department said, "authorities did not find any gang involvement during their preliminary investigation." Well they must be horrible investigators, because I am sitting in my living room and I have found stories from numerous witnesses that say it was gang related.

Here is a transcript from a video at
Report #1 (Scott Coppenbarger): Crossroads Mall is closed but, Police and Sheriff’s Deputies are still working there tonight. We know one person is dead and another is in the hospital after shots were fired inside the mall just before 7 o’clock. News 9 was the first to tell you about it and Rosa Flores continues our coverage. Rosa

Reporter #2 (Rosa Flores): Well Scott Crossroads Mall is a crime scene and investigators have few answers for us, but witnesses fill in the gaps when they tell us what they saw.

Witness #1(Wesley Holden): “and I hear a shot pop off and next thing I know I see two comin around the corner. One got shot here in the shoulder from the back and he ended up layin inside the Garfield’s entrance and then another one comes around the corner and he gets dropped in the back of the head.”

Reporter #2 (Rosa Flores): Wesley Holden and his friends were hanging out at Crossroads mall and knew something bad was going to happen.

Witness #1(Wesley Holden): “Theirs been animosity between them all day. It was either the Southside Locos and the Jaritos or the Centrals.”

Reporter #2 (Rosa Flores): One witness says a member of the Southside gang shot a member of the Central side gang near the arcade. Sheriff Whetsel doesn’t confirm this was gang related but he does say one person is injured and another is dead.

Sheriff John Whetsel: There was a confrontation, and armed confrontation. A Deputy fired one shot striking that individual, the armed individual, that individual is deceased.

Witness #2 (Dr. Heath): I immediately got into the bookstore and got everybody down so that they would be safe. But it was amazing everybody did react in a safe manner.

Reporter #2 (Rosa Flores): But witnesses at closer range reacted differently.

Witness #1 (Wesley Holden): I just froze, cause dude got dropped twenty feet in front of me, two more feet to the left and it would have been me.

Reporter #2 (Rosa Flores): Witnesses say many shoppers were in the area of the shooting, but no one else was injured. Now in an update I just got from Sheriff John Whetsel the suspects had two guns, and it was said the suspect carrying one of them is the one that’s dead. Scott.

Report #1 (Scott Coppenbarger): So scary Rosa, thank you very much. Now Oklahoma City Police are in charge of the investigation, one person was taken into custody possibly only for questioning no charges have been filed at this time.
Another witness of the non-gang related gang shooting:
Ladra Morton, 13, was among those outside the mall at 7000 Crossroads Blvd. He said he was shopping with friends when he heard three gunshots.

“There was a big group of people who were jumping this kid,” he said. “You could hear them yelling gang stuff during the fight.”

Whetsel said authorities did not find any gang involvement during their preliminary investigation...(more)

Sounds like a cover-up to me. If the Police Department can avoid calling this a gang related shooting they can continue to pretend that this was just an isolated incident, nothing to see here. God forbid the Oklahoma City Police Department admits that there is a gang problem at an Oklahoma City area mall, then they would actually have to do something about it. Also notice there is no mention of the race of the two teenagers involved in the shooting. You can be sure that if they were white teenagers it would have been in the headline of the stories.

Update: More Okie's give their input about the shooting and the future of Crossroads Mall: Dusbury call's it Darth Mall and this guy calls it Gangbanger Central.

Update #2: Dr. Rusty Shackleford from The Jawa Report links with Morning Links: George Galloway is a Traitor Edition



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Saturday, May 27, 2006

Blogs for House

Blogs for House
Check out Blogs for House

If you are a House fan like I am you should check out Blogs for House.

Here are two of the newest posts over at Blogs for House:

Also I would like to apologize to Dr. FIAR and Little Orange Fox for putting them in the William Hung category of the Carnival of Comedy #56. I have had a chance to read more of your blogs and I feel like you should have at least been ranked as Elliot Yamin (maybe even Katharine McPhee!)

Join the Blogs for House Blogroll.

My son has his own blog: Daily Kids
Introducing Daily Kids!

Well I'm a stay at home father again--at least for the summer. I get to be home taking care of the house (haha), cooking meals, and spending time with my two boys. My oldest son Brandon has started a blog (Daily Kids) and will try to post daily throughout the summer. He has a review of X-Men 3 on his site today. Check it out and please leave him a comment to help encourage him to keep up with his blog.

I guess this makes everyone who encourages Brandon by leaving a comment a Blog God Parent. He is new to blogging so any help you can offer him I'm sure he would appreciate.

Friday, May 26, 2006

Jose Can You See?

This is great!

Jose Can You See!

Bird Blogging: Boy Meets Bird

My Cockatiel My Cockatiel Boy Meets Bird
Friday Bird Blogging

These are my Cockatiels BB and CC. These are the first pictures I have taken of my birds. Usally my son Robert does not go around BB and CC, but this time he almost touched them. I hope you enjoy these pictures. More info about Cockatiels.

Check out more animal blogging at the Friday Ark #88.

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Thursday, May 25, 2006

Carnival of Comedy Idol

Carnival of Comedy Idol

Welcome to the show! I’m Wild Bill and I’ll be your host today for the 56th edition of the Carnival of Comedy. I want to thank our producers IMAO and spacemonkey for letting someone with as little talent as me host the Carnival this week. We have a total of 22 contestants that submitted posts, so I thought why not judge them American Idol style.

Taylor Hicks soul patrolPlay that funky music white boy!

Now everyone that submitted posts is a winner in my book, but who are the real winners?

Here is what our judges had to say:

The pleasantly plump, Randy Jackson: "America we got a hot one here tonight! Woof woof!"

The usually drunk, Paula Abdrool: "I wanna take you back to my house and, well you know!"

You're a PUNK Simon Cowell: "That was absolutely brilliant!"

Katharine McPhee 1st loserSecond place is the first LOSER!

Here is what our judges had to say:

Randy Jackson: "Dawg, I mean DAWG, you know what I'm sayin? Woof woof!"

Paula Abdrool: "You all look beautiful!"

Simon Cowell: "Ehhh, Ok. Thank God there's always next week."

Elliot Yamin do your ears hang low?Good news, everybody knows who you are; Bad news, everybody knows you lost!

Here is what our judges had to say:

Randy Jackson: "Dawg, Dawg, If I'm keepin it real I mean DAWG, it started good at the beginning but I don't know it kinda just didn't you know what I'm sayin? Woof woof!"

Paula Abdrool: "I just wanna hug you, I love your shoes!"

Simon Cowell: "Pack your bags."

Chris Daughtry Im gonna cut somebody!Oh no you didn't say I'm going home!

Here is what our judges had to say:

Randy Jackson: "Wow I didn't see that coming, Dawg, there were some pitchy parts but over all I mean DAWG, you know what I'm sayin? What's up Dawg Pound?"

Paula Abdrool: "Waaaaa, I didn't even get a chance to, you know! SHUT UP SIMON"

Simon Cowell: "If I'm being honest, you have to do a lot better than that. Goodbye!"

Chicken LittleYou have no real talent, we only feel sorry for you, and you're goofy looking!

Here is what our judges had to say:

Randy Jackson: "Dawg, ok ok check it out, dawg it was pitchy, hmmmmmm I don't know, you can do alot better, I didn't like the song, you know what I'm sayin?"

Paula Abdrool: "I agree with Randy, it was great, I just want to pinch your little checks and..."

Simon Cowell: "Paula are you drunk? I've heard farts with a better sound than that!"

William Hung she bang!She bang, she bang, O-baby she move, she move!!!

Here is what our judges had to say:

Randy Jackson: "Dawg?"

Paula Abdrool: "Maybe you could try again next year."

Simon Cowell: "That was possibly the worst thing I've seen in my entire life. I would punch you in your dumb monkey face if I was not behind this table!"

I hope you enjoyed this week's Carnival of Comedy, if you didn't don't blame me I just read from a teleprompter. Next week The MoxArgon Group hosts the Carnival. I'm out of here! Tell Frank J. to make a new podcast!
Upcoming Carnivals:

Get your entries for the upcoming carnivals here and here.


Saturday, May 20, 2006

Bush ate the worm!

This explains a lot!

Friday, May 19, 2006

Passionate Open Post

Open comments and trackbacks on this post.

It's a free for all. Got a comment? Nut jobs, Moonbats, Trolls, Flamers, and Normal People are invited to get Passionate in the comment section. Send a trackback! Hell whatever, I'm going to the movies.

Passionate Trackbacks:

Carnival of Comedy #55 at Fmragtops Spews

CoC Hah!
The Carnival of Comedy #55 is up at Fmragtops Spews!

Somehow I made it into the first spot. Maybe it's because I'll be the host next week. What am I gonna do, arghhhh! Here's what you should do. Check out the 55th installment of the Carnival of Comedy. I'm warning you, this might be the last week for the Carnival. I'm like the George Clooney of Carnivals (Remember what Clooney did to the Batman movies?) Yeah that's right I might kill the entire Carnival of Comedy franchise.

Carnival of Comedy Upcoming Hosts:

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Ctrl+C, Ctrl+V post!

(from Nealz Nuze)

By their actions our elected officials in Washington are sending us a rather strong message: We are not going to take any affirmative action to insure that the Mexican invasion across our southern border is brought to a halt. We must consider the possibility that these politicians want this invasion to continue because it serves their political needs. For the Democrats, this one is easy. Enabling the invasion is step one. Amnesty for those who have crossed our borders is step two. Step three will be figuring out a way to get those who were once illegal aliens, but by virtue of the amnesty program are illegal no more, to the polls to vote; presumably for Democrats. As for the Republicans? Well, there's always those heavy-duty contributors who benefit from the cheap labor offered by the invasion force. It's also possible that Republicans might actually believe that this legitimized invasion force will be prone to vote Republican!

This controversy over the Mexican invasion all boils down to one simple fact. It is fair to say that job one for the president and the members of congress is to defend and protect the borders of this country. In that regard they can be considered as nothing less than failures.

If they are not going to do their job, maybe we should do it for them?

It's about winning elections, not doing the right thing.

***Sarcasm Alert Level 10***

We have to stop the Democrats at all costs. Right and wrong should not be as important to a conservative as Elephants beating Donkeys.

(from by Lorie Byrd)
Disagree, dissent, march, email, telephone the White House and the Congress, heck, even mail a brick, but it doesn’t make sense to completely destroy the man who will be leading the country for two more years, or to destroy the Republican Party unless you are ready to accept the agenda of Speaker Pelosi and Majority Leader Reid.

That's right beat them damn dirty Donkeys. Matter of fact why don't we Just Punch the Left in Their Dumb Monkey Faces. Hell I'd even vote for a dog in 2008, just as long as he is a Republican.

New addition to my blogroll!

Check out Molten Thought!

I couldn't agree more.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Amerexanada, If you can't beat em, join em! #2

Why defend the border if we can erase it?

Bush announced last night that his plan for the new nation of Amerexanada is moving along as planned.

Bush knows that he cannot run for President of the United States again, so why not run for President of Mexico? Then Vicente Fox can run for the President of the United States. President Fox has a nice ring to it, much better than President Hillary/Rodham Clinton. All the real conservatives out there know anybody that claims to be a republican would be a better choice than a donkey.

I’ve been told that I’m not a real conservative anymore because I didn’t agree with Bush’s amnesty speech last night. If me and the other so-called conservatives don’t get behind Bush and vote in November then we will be responsible for the destruction of America when the lefties win in 2006 and 2008. I’m starting to believe that we so-called conservatives might have to break a few eggs to make a real conservative omelet. Sometimes you need to lose a battle to win the war. So since we are no longer conservatives then I say let the, “At least Bush isn’t Clinton Conservatives get what’s coming to them!” Enjoy Amerexanada.

When you decide to vote for someone because they are conservative not because they are a little more conservative than the other guy, give me a call. I’ll be voting for a candidate that believes in protecting America, winning World War III, and doing the right thing. I won’t support a candidate (no matter what their party affiliation) that allows America to be invaded.

I guess the real conservatives would rather settle for what they can get than do what is right. Sounds like donkey logic to me. God bless Amerexanada!


Remember the Waffle House!

Remember the Waffle House!
Peaceful Hispanics shoot at Hatemongering Rednecks

Verbal sparring over citizenship leads to shooting (updated with 911 calls)

How many Americans have to get shot before we call this what it really is, a Mexican invasion. Are we at war? I think so. Here's a great battle cry, "Remember the Waffle House!"

Update: Mexicans shoot at white people, but it was the white people's fault for being racists! My head is about to explode. Check out this bullshit (caution might cause you to throw things at your computer.)

Update #2: Looks like black people are racists when it comes to illegal aliens too.

Moonbat's heads are swelling!

Makes it easier to punch them in their dumb monkey faces.

Conservatives are pissed about Bush losing his testicles last night. Some Moonbats think that this means they are winning. Hey Moonbats the only thing lower than Bush’s poll numbers right now, are Moonbat poll numbers.

The confused Moonbats over at Sploid, TENNESSEE GUERILLA WOMEN, and used my words last night to trick themselves into believing that because I am pissed at Bush that somehow that makes them right…hold on just a minute…hahahahahahahahahaha…Moonbats right?---oh my god that’s f’n funny…Lefties actually think that….hahahahahahah.

I might be upset at the president, but upset doesn’t even begin to explain how I feel about Dems, Lefties, Moonbats, Socialists, Liberals, Commies, progressives, terrorists, President Ahhaaamydaineajihad of Iran, Hugo Chavez, Fidel Castro, Kim Jong Il, John Kerry, Hillary Clinton, Al Gore, and Satan.

Moonbats, here is a question--even though you guys are not intelligent enough to understand it--if you think we are upset with Bush how upset do you think we are with Moonbat traitors?

Monday, May 15, 2006

Live Blogging President Bush's 5/15 Immigration Speech

I'm George W Bush, and I did not approve this post!

I have a feeling that Bush's speech tonight is going to be a lot of, blah blah blah. Hopefully he will show up as the man I voted for, a man that does what he says, a man that does what is right even if it is not the popular thing to do. Here is what I think he needs to cover in tonight's speech:
  • Illegal aliens, say it with me Bush, illegal aliens not undocumented workers.

  • Iran, the IAEA found weapons grade uranium, when are the bombs going to start dropping?

  • Nuclear, I just want to hear W say nuclear! That W really crakes me up.

  • Wall, build it, I will help!

  • Minute Men, These people are heroes and I feel like Bush as portrayed them as vigilantes and turned over their location to the Mexican government. Hey George, are you the Prez of the USA or Mexico? Maybe you should figure that out.

I'll have more later. Keep checking back!


Blah, blah, blah...Illegal immigration...amnesty that is not American's won't do...we can't round them all up and send them poll numbers just dropped faster than Paris Hilton's panties at a Hollywood party...Iran? Who is Iran?...Their just people that want to have a better life BY BREAKING FUCKING LAWS!!!!

Bush you just killed the rest of your political career and any chance for the Republican Party to win in 2006 and 2008!

Here's the text of the bullshit speech:
Good evening. I have asked for a few minutes of your time to discuss a matter of national importance – the reform of America’s immigration system.

The issue of immigration stirs intense emotions – and in recent weeks, Americans have seen those emotions on display. On the streets of major cities, crowds have rallied in support of those in our country illegally. At our southern border, others have organized to stop illegal immigrants from coming in. Across the country, Americans are trying to reconcile these contrasting images. And in Washington, the debate over immigration reform has reached a time of decision. Tonight, I will make it clear where I stand, and where I want to lead our country on this vital issue.

We must begin by recognizing the problems with our immigration system. For decades, the United States has not been in complete control of its borders. As a result, many who want to work in our economy have been able to sneak across our border – and millions have stayed.

Once here, illegal immigrants live in the shadows of our society. Many use forged documents to get jobs, and that makes it difficult for employers to verify that the workers they hire are legal. Illegal immigration puts pressure on public schools and hospitals … strains state and local budgets … and brings crime to our communities. These are real problems, yet we must remember that the vast majority of illegal immigrants are decent people who work hard, support their families, practice their faith, and lead responsible lives. They are a part of American life – but they are beyond the reach and protection of American law.

We are a Nation of laws, and we must enforce our laws. We are also a Nation of immigrants, and we must uphold that tradition, which has strengthened our country in so many ways. These are not contradictory goals – America can be a lawful society and a welcoming society at the same time. We will fix the problems created by illegal immigration, and we will deliver a system that is secure, orderly, and fair. So I support comprehensive immigration reform that will accomplish five clear objectives.

First, the United States must secure its borders. This is a basic responsibility of a sovereign Nation. It is also an urgent requirement of our national security. Our objective is straightforward: The border should be open to trade and lawful immigration – and shut to illegal immigrants, as well as criminals, drug dealers, and terrorists.

I was the governor of a state that has a twelve-hundred mile border with Mexico. So I know how difficult it is to enforce the border, and how important it is. Since I became President, we have increased funding for border security by 66 percent, and expanded the Border Patrol from about 9,000 to 12,000 agents. The men and women of our Border Patrol are doing a fine job in difficult circumstances – and over the past five years, we have apprehended and sent home about six million people entering America illegally.

Despite this progress, we do not yet have full control of the border, and I am determined to change that. Tonight I am calling on Congress to provide funding for dramatic improvements in manpower and technology at the border. By the end of 2008, we will increase the number of Border Patrol officers by an additional 6,000. When these new agents are deployed, we will have more than doubled the size of the Border Patrol during my Presidency.

At the same time, we are launching the most technologically advanced border security initiative in American history. We will construct high-tech fences in urban corridors, and build new patrol roads and barriers in rural areas. We will employ motion sensors … infrared cameras … and unmanned aerial vehicles to prevent illegal crossings. America has the best technology in the world – and we will ensure that the Border Patrol has the technology they need to do their job and secure our border.

Training thousands of new Border Patrol agents and bringing the most advanced technology to the border will take time. Yet the need to secure our border is urgent. So I am announcing several immediate steps to strengthen border enforcement during this period of transition:

One way to help during this transition is to use the National Guard. So in coordination with governors, up to 6,000 Guard members will be deployed to our southern border. The Border Patrol will remain in the lead. The Guard will assist the Border Patrol by operating surveillance systems … analyzing intelligence … installing fences and vehicle barriers … building patrol roads … and providing training. Guard units will not be involved in direct law enforcement activities – that duty will be done by the Border Patrol. This initial commitment of Guard members would last for a period of one year. After that, the number of Guard forces will be reduced as new Border Patrol agents and new technologies come online. It is important for Americans to know that we have enough Guard forces to win the war on terror, respond to natural disasters, and help secure our border.

The United States is not going to militarize the southern border. Mexico is our neighbor, and our friend. We will continue to work cooperatively to improve security on both sides of the border … to confront common problems like drug trafficking and crime … and to reduce illegal immigration.

Another way to help during this period of transition is through state and local law enforcement in our border communities. So we will increase federal funding for state and local authorities assisting the Border Patrol on targeted enforcement missions. And we will give state and local authorities the specialized training they need to help federal officers apprehend and detain illegal immigrants. State and local law enforcement officials are an important resource – and they are part of our strategy to secure our border communities.

The steps I have outlined will improve our ability to catch people entering our country illegally. At the same time, we must ensure that every illegal immigrant we catch crossing our southern border is returned home. More than 85 percent of the illegal immigrants we catch crossing the southern border are Mexicans, and most are sent back home within 24 hours. But when we catch illegal immigrants from other countries, it is not as easy to send them home. For many years, the government did not have enough space in our detention facilities to hold them while the legal process unfolded. So most were released back into our society and asked to return for a court date. When the date arrived, the vast majority did not show up. This practice, called “catch and release,” is unacceptable – and we will end it.

We are taking several important steps to meet this goal. We have expanded the number of beds in our detention facilities, and we will continue to add more. We have expedited the legal process to cut the average deportation time. And we are making it clear to foreign governments that they must accept back their citizens who violate our immigration laws. As a result of these actions, we have ended “catch and release” for illegal immigrants from some countries. And I will ask Congress for additional funding and legal authority, so we can end “catch and release” at the southern border once and for all. When people know that they will be caught and sent home if they enter our country illegally, they will be less likely to try to sneak in.

Second, to secure our border, we must create a temporary worker program. The reality is that there are many people on the other side of our border who will do anything to come to America to work and build a better life. They walk across miles of desert in the summer heat, or hide in the back of 18-wheelers to reach our country. This creates enormous pressure on our border that walls and patrols alone will not stop. To secure the border effectively, we must reduce the numbers of people trying to sneak across.

Therefore, I support a temporary worker program that would create a legal path for foreign workers to enter our country in an orderly way, for a limited period of time. This program would match willing foreign workers with willing American employers for jobs Americans are not doing. Every worker who applies for the program would be required to pass criminal background checks. And temporary workers must return to their home country at the conclusion of their stay.

A temporary worker program would meet the needs of our economy, and it would give honest immigrants a way to provide for their families while respecting the law. A temporary worker program would reduce the appeal of human smugglers – and make it less likely that people would risk their lives to cross the border. It would ease the financial burden on state and local governments, by replacing illegal workers with lawful taxpayers. And above all, a temporary worker program would add to our security by making certain we know who is in our country and why they are here.

Third, we need to hold employers to account for the workers they hire. It is against the law to hire someone who is in this country illegally. Yet businesses often cannot verify the legal status of their employees, because of the widespread problem of document fraud. Therefore, comprehensive immigration reform must include a better system for verifying documents and work eligibility. A key part of that system should be a new identification card for every legal foreign worker. This card should use biometric technology, such as digital fingerprints, to make it tamper-proof. A tamper-proof card would help us enforce the law – and leave employers with no excuse for violating it. And by making it harder for illegal immigrants to find work in our country, we would discourage people from crossing the border illegally in the first place.

Fourth, we must face the reality that millions of illegal immigrants are already here. They should not be given an automatic path to citizenship. This is amnesty, and I oppose it. Amnesty would be unfair to those who are here lawfully – and it would invite further waves of illegal immigration.

Some in this country argue that the solution is to deport every illegal immigrant – and that any proposal short of this amounts to amnesty. I disagree. It is neither wise nor realistic to round up millions of people, many with deep roots in the United States, and send them across the border. There is a rational middle ground between granting an automatic path to citizenship for every illegal immigrant, and a program of mass deportation. That middle ground recognizes that there are differences between an illegal immigrant who crossed the border recently – and someone who has worked here for many years, and has a home, a family, and an otherwise clean record. I believe that illegal immigrants who have roots in our country and want to stay should have to pay a meaningful penalty for breaking the law … to pay their taxes … to learn English … and to work in a job for a number of years. People who meet these conditions should be able to apply for citizenship – but approval would not be automatic, and they will have to wait in line behind those who played by the rules and followed the law. What I have just described is not amnesty – it is a way for those who have broken the law to pay their debt to society, and demonstrate the character that makes a good citizen.

Fifth, we must honor the great American tradition of the melting pot, which has made us one Nation out of many peoples. The success of our country depends upon helping newcomers assimilate into our society, and embrace our common identity as Americans. Americans are bound together by our shared ideals, an appreciation of our history, respect for the flag we fly, and an ability to speak and write the English language. English is also the key to unlocking the opportunity of America. English allows newcomers to go from picking crops to opening a grocery … from cleaning offices to running offices … from a life of low-paying jobs to a diploma, a career, and a home of their own. When immigrants assimilate and advance in our society, they realize their dreams … they renew our spirit … and they add to the unity of America.

Tonight, I want to speak directly to Members of the House and the Senate: An immigration reform bill needs to be comprehensive, because all elements of this problem must be addressed together – or none of them will be solved at all. The House has passed an immigration bill. The Senate should act by the end of this month – so we can work out the differences between the two bills, and Congress can pass a comprehensive bill for me to sign into law.

America needs to conduct this debate on immigration in a reasoned and respectful tone. Feelings run deep on this issue – and as we work it out, all of us need to keep some things in mind. We cannot build a unified country by inciting people to anger, or playing on anyone’s fears, or exploiting the issue of immigration for political gain. We must always remember that real lives will be affected by our debates and decisions, and that every human being has dignity and value no matter what their citizenship papers say.

I know many of you listening tonight have a parent or a grandparent who came here from another country with dreams of a better life. You know what freedom meant to them, and you know that America is a more hopeful country because of their hard work and sacrifice. As President, I have had the opportunity to meet people of many backgrounds, and hear what America means to them. On a visit to Bethesda Naval Hospital, Laura and I met a wounded Marine named Guadalupe Denogean. Master Gunnery Sergeant Denogean came to the United States from Mexico when he was a boy. He spent his summers picking crops with his family, and then he volunteered for the United States Marine Corps as soon as he was able. During the liberation of Iraq, Master Gunnery Sergeant Denogean was seriously injured. When asked if he had any requests, he made two – a promotion for the corporal who helped rescue him … and the chance to become an American citizen. And when this brave Marine raised his right hand, and swore an oath to become a citizen of the country he had defended for more than 26 years, I was honored to stand at his side.

We will always be proud to welcome people like Guadalupe Denogean as fellow Americans. Our new immigrants are just what they have always been – people willing to risk everything for the dream of freedom. And America remains what she has always been – the great hope on the horizon … an open door to the future … a blessed and promised land. We honor the heritage of all who come here, no matter where they are from, because we trust in our country’s genius for making us all Americans – one Nation under God. Thank you, and good night.

Also live blogging the speech:

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Kennedy gets struck by irony!

Senator Kenndy gets struck by lightning
This proves that God has a sense of humor.

A plane carrying U.S. Sen. Edward M. Kennedy from western Massachusetts to his home on the coast was struck by lightning Saturday...(more)

Exclusive:Passionate America has obtained a recording from one of our sources inside the NSA. The recording is of Senator Kennedy speaking to an unnamed journalist. Toward the end of the recording right before his plane is struck by lightning The Senator from Massachusetts says, "If I'm lying, may I be struck by lightning!" The recording abruptly ends.

This leaves us with a lot of interesting questions, like does this prove God has a sense of humor?

Earth notifies Planet Moonbat of Eminent Terrorist Attack

Planet Moonbat
Moonbats in Space
Episode 1: The Menace to Society

On the left side of the galaxy far far away from reality...

The phone rings, ryan from planet Moonbat answers his phone:

ryan: Hello?
Earth: Hello ryan, this is the director of the NSA on Earth. I'm calling to warn you of an eminent terrorist attack that is about to destroy planet Moonbat!
ryan: How did you get this number?
Earth: That's not important, what is important is that your world is about to be destroyed and we have intercepted a phone conversation between President Ahhaaamydaineajihad from planet Iran and a private citizen of planet Moonbat that clearly point to a plot to destroy....
ryan: Wait a minute, wait a damn minute, first don't call this number before 2pm. I party all night long and I don't roll out of bed before 2. Second how in the hell did you get this number?
Earth: Are you listening? I'm trying to give you information that can save your planet!
ryan: Lookie here asshole, don't change the subject. Answer my question!
Earth: Can you put someone on the phone that isn't retarded?
ryan: Why you gotta call me names?
Earth: I didn't call you a name, I asked if you could put someone on the phone that is not retarded.
ryan: You just did it again. If you're gonna start calling me names then I'm not listening to you.
Earth: I didn't start the name calling you did!
ryan: I did not.
Earth: Would you like me to play back the recording of this conversation, you called me an asshole.
ryan: Are you recording this phone call?
Earth: Yes.
ryan: Did you just say, "yes?"
Earth: aaahhh Yes! you cares your planet is about to blow up and you are worried that I am recording this phone call?
ryan: If my life partner Steve finds out I was at a party having sex with 3 hot guys last night, when I told him I was at my 3rd step father's house I'm gonna be in big trouble.
Earth: Steve won't care about your gay stories if you are dead.
ryan: Are you threatening me?
Earth: No President Ahhaaamydaineajihad from planet Iran is.
ryan: If you don't erase that tape right now I'm going to call my lawyer and he will sue your ass. Have you ever heard of the right to privacy?
Earth: Do you even care that your entire planet including you are about to die.
ryan: There you go again threatening me.
Earth: Will you please put someone on the phone that has at least 2 active brain cells?
ryan: Will you please respect my privacy? Oh I almost forgot, how did you get this number?
Earth: I'm hanging up now.
ryan: Just like an evil homophobic Nazi Earthling, you can't answer my question so you threaten to hang up the phone. ANSWER THE QUESTION!
Earth: Enjoy the last hour of your life ba-bye. (click)
59 minutes and 31 seconds later...
ryan: Are you going to answer the question? Don't pretend to be a dial tone Nazi. If you don't answer the question then that means I'm right and you’re wrong. If you don't answer the question by the time I count to ten I'm hanging up. Alright I'm going to start counting now. 1...2...3...4...5...6...I'm almost at 10, you better answer the question...7...8...9.....10 GOODBYE ASSHBOOOOM!!!

Goodbye Planet Moonbat!

Update: Thanks to The Jawa Report for the link. Howie, may the force be with you.

Thanks to Black George Bush for the adding a link to this post in the comment section of this post over at LGF.

More Moonbats in Space:

Saturday, May 13, 2006

Cubicle Confidential or Sex and The Cubicle! 2.0

(Click to read note)
If you want to keep a secret, don't write it down.

One of my coworkers found this note at work. It’s called keeping it on the down low. Now I’m not frontin, or trippin, and I sure as hell ain’t drinkin no Haterade, but don’t leave evidence at the scene of the crime.

OH SNAP! Somebody is gonna get some booty! SKEET, SKEET, SKEET, SKEET!!!

Someone needs to slow their roll.

But what the hell, like they said on the note, "'s like being in Vegas and rollin' the dice, just with your ovaries!

So I guess getting pregnant would be considered CRAPS in Vegas?


Much Faster Loading Opera 9 Beta

No ads. Better browsing.
My blog loads slow, not anymore with Opera 9 Beta!

I know it would be a monumental task to try and convince you to switch to Opera as your internet browser. If you know me and chances are you don't, I refuse to waste my time trying to change people’s minds. What's the point? Tell the truth and if moonbats don't believe you I'm not going to lose sleep worrying about their stupidity (the Second Civil War will take care of them.)

Back to the subject at hand. I just switched to Opera 9 Beta and O-MY-GOD it is so much faster than IE7 or FireFox. Don't believe me? Then keep waiting for your old internet browser to load my page. Everyone that has already switched to Opera is already 2 posts below this one. Get Opera today and catch up!.

This just in!

NSA spies on people that want to destroy this country, even if they are Americans!


Doug Kendall Libertarian Cry Baby!

(Don't cry little Dougie!)
Dougie calls Glenn Beck show and Glenn makes fun of him, poor baby.

Doug Kendall let me ask you a question. Have you ever listened to the Glenn Beck radio show? Glenn makes fun of everybody! Also Dougie you are a Libertarian, your just screaming to be made fun of by anyone living in the real world.

Listen to Glenn be mean to little Dougie.

powered by ODEO

Check out Dougie's cry baby post about his unfair treatment from when he called Glenn here and here.

Here are a few classic, "I want my Mommie" excrets from Dougie's temper tantrum:
I should have known that I would not be allowed to talk about any kind of alternative to “major” Party dominance and control...*whaaaa*...He also tried to portray me as a blubbering, nervous, loud person who couldn't complete a sentence...*Mommie*...Glenn asked something along the lines of whether or not I was snorting dope off of a hooker's body. Needless to say, humor or not, I didn't appreciate it...*Glenn is picking on me!*

(*bold added by me*)
Dougie needs a nap. I don't speak for Glenn but if you called my radio show (which I don't have yet) I would make fun of your silly Libertarian ass also. Why? Because that's what I do, make jokes about people that live in an alternate reality, like Libertarians. I'm not going to get into the whole why I'm not a Libertarian screed, I already did that here. I'm just gonna say, if your a Libertarian, good for you, but the rest of the world will inplode if we follow the, "Everybody should be able to do almost everything they want to do just as long as they sign a Pledge stating that they will not initiate force or fraud to further their social or political goals.

Cheese and rice, are you fuckin retarded Dougie! What fucking planet do you think you live on? Beep...beep...BEEP...DING! Correct answer, EARTH! There are idiots on this fucking planet. There are people that will kill you by cutting off your head, even after they signed your dumbshit pledge. Dougie I think you filled your diaper.


Thursday, May 11, 2006

Carnival of Kennedys Comedy #54

CoC Hah!
The Carnival of Kennedys Comedy #54 is up at Dr. Phat Tony's!

Wanna laugh until you pee yourself? Check out the 54th installment of the Carnival of Comedy. Better get it out of your system because in two weeks I'm going to bomb harder than Stephen Colbert at the White House Correspondents' Association Dinner.

Carnival of Comedy Upcoming Hosts:

Top 10 reason why my blog loads slow!

Please wait my blog is loading
Are we there yet?

Yes I know my blog loads slower than the line at the DMV! Here are the top ten reasons why I believe my blog is slower than molasses:

10. I forgot to pay my Blogger bill.
9. GLOBAL WARMING. Damn those sheep farts!
8. It’s an evil Zionist conspiracy.
7. Microsoft (nuff said.)
6. My spelling errors are confusing the server.
5. Glenn Reynolds is out to get me.
4. Bush ordered the NSA to wiretap my blog.
3. Blogger gives higher priority to real blogs, not pretend blogs.
2. The high price of gas is effecting the internet.

And the #1 reason why my blog loads slow! I’m just a cheap bastard and you get what you pay for.

Fat Man Walking (video)

Glenn Beck interveiws Steve Vaught who walked across America and lost 135lbs.

• Watch: 'Fat Man Walking' sits with Glenn (4:47)

From's Glenn Beck site Best of Glenn Beck (video):